Author: bigsubject

I’d been floating in a heightened state of relaxation and awareness since my Training Night with Lan.

Everything was the same: I cooked, I worked, I worked out, I read, I jogged with a friend.

Everything was different: I cooked the food that was perfect for the body that Lan had put into my head. I worked out to get the shape and the bulk and the definition that Lan had instilled in me. I had intense sexual feelings toward the men around me at the gym, but there was no need in it, just pleasure that ran everywhere in me without borders. I … and I couldn’t believe I thought this word without freaking out about it, but I belonged to Lan. My ass, my cock, my balls, my body, everything that I was was included in him somehow, and so… everything was amazing. There was nothing to do but what I was doing. There was no boy going to give me sex or pleasure even in the region to what thinking about Lan gave me, so all the hunting and scanning and wanting and planning and work I had done for years and years to get sex with men was gone. And god damn had that taken up a lot of space!

I got comments at work asking if I had gotten a coach, or management training, or…a personal trainer. I just laughed and smiled slyly, “I’m not sure that’s work-appropriate!”

I had to buy new pants and new shirts for work for different reasons. My pants were starting to look like I got them from a larger brother, and my shirts were starting to look like they were gonna burst across the chest and were an empty tent around my middle. I was so happy with how I looked, that I just relaxed into it. I was so happy with how I felt that I could feel it. My body was humming and clean and energetic and I loved the touch of my belt across my thinner waist, the hug of my shirts across my shoulders. It made me smile a dozen times a day.

—

I met Rhonda at the Village restaurant – an old gay haunt on the west side. She got there early as always, and waved as I made my way between the rows of queens and boy toys that spotted the booths. I was smiling my huge, infectious, bearded smile, and Rhonda grinned back. She stood up before I got to the table, holding her hand out like Donna Summers. I stopped and cocked my head at her. She made a turn-around twirl with her fingers, and I laughed and turned slowly around.

“Well. Coming and going,” she smiled looking around around my waist at my ass. I laughed out loud, but for the first time in my life felt a little stirring of sexual excitement at a woman’s attention. Interesting.

We embraced and the sexual excitement drained out of me.

Over my salad and her steak, or role-reversal meal as she called it, she looked pointedly at the little brass lock nestled among the chest hair of my open work shirt above the definitely-squarer and fuller mounds of my pecs. “So… this seems to be going well.”

I actually blushed and I felt a warmth in my asshole that made my balls churn and my mouth water as my mind filled with an image of Lan’s long, veiny, hooded dick. It took Rhonda 2 minutes to stop laughing – at and with me.

My hot embarrassment and her laughing and my feeling like Lan was all around me and inside me had me squirming in my chair to make a space in my tight slacks for my hard dick. Fuck, was I turning into a faggot. And loving every minute of it.

She caught me up on her boy toys and I found myself sharing my being conquered with a gusto I’d never had talking about boys I’d used. Even my lowered tone didn’t keep nearby tables from going quiet to hear more of our sex conversations. God, I love queers.

“I hear you’re going out tonight,” she said , sipping the last of her wine as I polished off my sparkling water. My heart enlarged a size and my dick jumped in my jock (yes, Lan had me wearing a jock under my slacks, and I fucking loved it, the smooth slacks rubbing against the fur of my big muscular bubble butt).

I gulped, “I bought … a thong?” Which only made my dick throb trapped in my pants and Rhonda smile like it was Christmas.

I stopped at the barber shop across the street from the bar whose card Lan had left for me. I looked at myself under the streetlight: ripped jeans, a t-shirt 2 sizes too small, which rode up over the dark blond hair on my belly if I raised my arms. My neck felt weird without the chain with the lock, but Lan had left the key and told me to unlock myself before coming tonight. I was horny and uncomfortable. Not knowing what was going on was harassing the buzz I’d been cruising since Lan helped me with that massage night weeks ago.

I cruised myself: the outside changes that Lan had brought into my life… had it been 3 months now? I’d dropped almost 15 pounds. My biceps swole in the indecently tight white t. My ass looked huge in the tight jeans with my smaller waist and the big swells of my quads. Lan was of course right, I looked amazing. I still had a bodybuilder’s round swell of belly below my square pecs and hulked shoulders, but I was firmly in the “anyone would fuck me” category. Wow, I thought of myself as a bottom now. That was new. My dick lurched visibly in my pants.

I imagined I could feel the cum he’d left inside me last night after a short massage and a hard, intense fuck where he pinned me down so strongly, I didn’t have any way to work my cock or get close to orgasm, as the brutal pressure on my prostate killed my boner even as I nearly passed out with pleasure at the pressure. After he’d fucked that load into me, he laid inside me, still mostly hard, for a while, and I loved the feeling of him pushing me into the mattress, of the fullness inside that was what made me really happy. He slapped my ass hard and told me to not jerk off, and be a good boy until tomorrow night. That he wanted me “fresh” when he met me out. He made out with me like a whore while he put my underwear back onto me like a boy. It was weird and I was hard the whole time – and normally I went soft immediately after sex, whether I came or not.

“Damn, daddy,” the man’s gay voice broke me out of my reverie.

He was maybe 22, a chin-hugging beard, skinny, big shoulders. He was staring at my bulging package. I smiled at him. I was old enough to be his father. “Sup, man? But I’m definitely not a daddy.”

He stepped closer, pawing me with his eyes. He ran his hands down his washboard abs and rested them on his ass, “But you could be,” his lips were boy red between the black hairs of his beard. He was tan, but unfreckled – Italian, maybe. I could imagine the fur around his asshole matched his beard, probably making a trail up toward his lower back, but not escaping between his luscious, round butt cheeks.

I stretched my big arms upward, exposing my furry belly to his eyes, and pulling my pants to bunch up around my big package. His eyes lasered in on my crotch, my beard, my big shoulder muscles bunching. I was walking across the street by the time he got back to looking down, and all he got were my big, rock-hard ass cheeks flexing in my tight tight jeans.

Weakly, I heard, “…or whatever?” from the poor, horny boy. I was so happy in that moment.

Lan was sitting at the bar in his thick jeans, the crotch worn pale in the middle of all that blue and the lack of his leather riding chaps and his olive flesh, pulling my gaze like a magnet. He had on a black form-fitting t-shirt, his triceps bulged obscenely out of the rolled-up sleeves. His clean-shaven jaw cut through me, his slightly sweaty skin. All I could think of was him near me, in me, around me. There were 3 twinks in spandex and collars hovering nearby, ignored; I at least got now why they would linger near real men and wait.

Lan was talking to a couple of hairy daddies in leather vests with their bellies hanging out over their leather pants. That type had always grossed me out before, but tonight, as I stood there looking at their big chests, and the hairy swell of their bellies, their easy nature, I felt an aura come off them that pulled me toward them, made me want to be near. Not like the black hole that was Lan, but a pull that was new.

“There’s my boy Thor!” Lan graveled through the crowd. The two daddies turned and fixed me with hungry gazes, and I felt a little weak in my belly. Me, who towered over them, and could probably pick both of them up with my giant ass legs and strong shoulders….I felt small and my big hamstrings felt watery. Something about Lan’s words had my head swimming; I felt myself getting dumber, like the lights turning down in my head. I felt my dick swell in my jeans again.

The words that are always in my head were nowhere to be found, just a huge comforting emptiness, I walked toward Lan, pushing guys big and little out of the way. “Yes, sir,” I growled back, my eyes locking on Lan’s. His hazel eyes seemed as big as the room; I was walking toward him, I was falling toward him, falling into him. By the time I got to him, my ass was warm, and I felt a little unsteady on my feet. I wanted to drop to my knees and open my mouth, but some command of Lan’s also held me up. I felt like a fucking faggot. I was his fucking faggot. I loved being a fucking faggot. I was muttering this to myself in my mind. These were my words now.

“There’s my good boy!” Lan said, his deep voice cutting through the noise. My ass clenched and relaxed, clenched and relaxed, and I could feel the coconut oil he had had me work up inside me smooth and hot. My hands went behind my back, and I spread my legs, like a military parade rest. I’d never been military, and I had no interest in the uniforms and all that. But all I needed was the camos to be a good, mindless soldier.

Lan was chatting with the two daddies, whose eyes were raking over my body, and I saw one of them rubbing his fingers together, and I could almost feel his thick fingers on my big, firm ass. He stepped off his stool and moved toward me, “I wouldn’t, if I were you, Dan,” Lan warned. And I knew if that man put his hands on me, I would do something bad – because of how much I wanted it?

He got close to me, and leaned up on his tip-toes, breathing a frothy beer breath on my ear that excited and repulsed me. “You want daddy to feel you up, don’t you, boy?” I bet he could see my face muscles bulge as I clenched and unclenched my jaw.

I looked at Lan, deep in his eyes, he was taking me in. He was the only man in the room. He was inside me; I was inside him.

“If you touch me without his permission I’ll break your arm,” I said quietly and without malice.

I could see out of the corner of my eye the man’s eyes go wide and he took a quick step back, looking at Lan. Lan’s chuckle made my balls churn, “I told you,” he said to this big leather daddy.

Lan and the other bearded leather man laughed, and the one who had breathed on me thought for a long, hot second about slapping me on the ass. My big fists clenched, and I breathed a deep breath in, swelling my hard round belly, and my big pecs in the way too tight t. The man sighed against my shoulder and ambled back to his seat. The twinks were staring at me, not sure what to think.

“My good BOY, Thor,” Lan said, and another wave of sexual emptiness washed over me, a black pleasure that emptied me out and got me rock fucking hard in my pants. I sighed and my back straightened; I knew exactly who I was.

He said something to me that slipped out of my head immediately. I had walked over and was standing behind him, back in parade rest. I was directly behind him where he sat up on his high chair, watching the two daddies argue about something nerdy.

I could feel the twinks step closer in behind me, but keeping a distance. One of them was standing in Lan’s eyeline, licking his lips, the little slut. But what did I care? I was standing behind Lan, I was hard as a fucking rock. Lan signaled me with one of his thick fingers and I leaned down. He whispered to me, and I drifted into bliss at his voice and his hand stroking my beard. I think I whimpered a couple times, and I could feel some men in the back part of the bar staring at my ass as it was cleft in half by the extremely tight jeans.

My head was swimming. I was so aroused, I was a little bit afraid I was gonna pass the fuck out. Lan stopped stroking my beard and there was a command in my head. I stood up, I crossed my arms. The veins in my neck were bulging, I’m sure I was red in the face. I was flexing my pecs and my glutes and my biceps like a king. I glared at the twinks. I was acting on command. I was acting on autopilot. I was doing what another man wanted. That made my dick harder and harder and harder. Lan turned and looked at me, brushing his big shoulder over my crotch; I almost moaned like a bitch in heat. Then he looked away at the leather daddies who were boring their gazes into my flesh again.

Lan’s big hand moved behind him and its hot bulk settled directly on my cock where it was sitting sideways in my jeans, barely able to stretch out to its fat length. I’m not sure, because I’ve never leaked precum before ever, but my junk felt wet. The extremely light pressure of his hand had me on edge. If I was the man I had been, I would have pulled my cock out and fucked his hand and cum in his hair and laughed and left.

But I was a fucking faggot now. I was his faggot. So I stood stock still, flexing, my breath fast, needing to cum more in this moment than I ever had in my entire life and doing absolutely nothing about that. Happier than I’d ever been in my entire life, content with whatever this man decided. Not pretending, not playing, not resigned, but genuinely happy.

“…fuck off, Lan. You can not,” Dan the Leather Dad said. Lan chuckled, “Let’s make it interesting,” he said, leaning back against my hard on. I kept my stance. It took everything that was left of me not to fuck myself to completion on his palm through my jock and jeans.

“You pay him a hundred dollars each if I can get him to cum on command with all his clothes on,” Lan growled at the two men. I nearly came in my pants him just saying it.

“Okay…” said Dan, grinning, and punching the bigger-bearded and bigger-bellied daddy beside him, who grabbed his admittedly-large package, “but if you can’t within… 60 seconds, he sucks both of our dicks.”

“Are you okay with that, Thor?” Lan growled without looking, his hand pressing on my cock.

“Yes, sir!” I said without thinking, some deeper conditioning in my brain kicking in. I was buzzing, I would do anything for the man with his hand on my cock. I would do anything for the man that was in my head.

“So, Thor, you would suck these men’s cocks like a GOOD BOY if your SIR can’t make you cum?”

“Yes, SIR, I will suck their dicks like a champ if I fail you!” I said way too loudly.

“Good BOY. Now, LET GO,” Lan said turning to stare into my eyes. His pupils were dark wells, and I fell in.

The world faded out. Lan’s hand on my crotch was like a burning poker in the best possible way. I felt the sweaty coconut oil in my ass being pressed by the tight jeans.

I leaned in even closer toward him. He was rubbing my dick languidly in my jeans. I was nowhere. I was right there. I couldn’t take it anymore. My balls were pulled up into my abdomen. My breathing was shallow and strange, rising and falling with his words, like my pleasure. I had never given a fuck about what people thought, but being stroked off in a bar was a new experience. I didn’t care about that either.

Lan was talking and I was lost in the waves of pleasure rocking through my body. I was almost falling over, and it was only his palm gently rocking across the length of my cock that kept me up. That and knowing he wanted me to stay up. Time stretched out. I would have stood forever in this bar with this man touching my cock. I would do anything for him. I would give anything.

I stood in response to his command, hands balled into fists at my side now, straining, red, not breathing.

I saw Lan turn and smile at the daddies. He slid his hand what felt like the mile length of my cock from the base of my groin to the tip and as he scraped the sensitive unsheathed head with his heavy palm, he said casually, “Obey, CUM NOW.”

I convulsed. I almost passed out. I grabbed the bar, I turned purple.

I came.

Only the tension held me up.

I could feel my cum in massive splatters soak the jeans and begin running down the inside of my leg, pushing through the thin fabrics over my dick and running down the outside of the jeans as it poured and poured out of me.

I heard the twinks gasp.

“Stand guard, Thor,” Lan said, letting go of me.

I snapped into parade rest. I was shaking. I was still having small convulsions of cum pushing out of my dick. I took a deep breath, very very quietly. Cum dripped audibly onto the floor.

“Fuck, Lan,” Dan said, “I need one.” He nodded at me as I ignored him, so wrapped in bliss I didn’t even know where I was.

“We are going to help you get better,” he said as I licked my own cum off my lips and savored the slick salt rolling around my mouth. My body was humming and I could feel the bath water still drying on the fur on my chest. He led me to the bed, where he’d laid a big, red blanket I didn’t recognize. God, I wanted him inside me – even though I’d just cum. Especially because I’d just cum? Damnit!

I knelt down on the blanket, but he had me slide all the way down, lying flat, arms out to the sides. He was wearing his leather riding pants, open at the crotch with his fat balls and huge cock hanging out; it was plump and semi hard, the pale foreskin just covering the head with a buildup of some pre-cum. There were two pump bottles of massage oil on the side table.

There was an audible snap as he pulled on latex gloves. A thrill of apprehension ran through my relaxed brain. My cock jumped underneath me. What was this now?

He pumped a few strokes of liquid out of the darker brown bottle, the oil smearing the gloves a deeper blue. I didn’t really like massage. They always ended up pulling my body hair, hurting me and not pressing enough into my muscles to get me really relaxed.

Lan’s firm hands started simple, and on the best place: my legs. My hamstrings are fucking mountains of muscle, and he rubbed the sweet-smelling oil firmly into those big bulges with long, slow, strokes. His hands left warm streaks on my skin, and the warmth seemed to slowly be sinking into me as he continued to slowly stroke and knead my legs. My brain became more and more and more focused on his hands in their gloves. As he moved onto my ass, I found that even the craving in my hole that Lan had literally bred into me was not there.

Everything felt warm and open and I felt so fundamentally good, I had stopped thinking about thrusting my hips up to encourage Lan to touch my hole. His warm legs against me, his breath on me occasionally were heaven. My cock was plumped underneath me but not hard. My balls hung super low. I’d never been more relaxed than this in my life.

Lan was working on my big, beefy glutes now. It felt so good I realized I was moaning low and steady. His hands kneaded, pushing harder and deeper into the muscle, irresistable. They were all warm and the warmth was spreading like icy hot. The warmth was working its way into places in my butt that’d been tight for years, even as Lan’s voice wormed deeper and deeper into my mind. Always before I had a sense of following his words and kind of keeping watch, but the watcher inside me had dissolved already, and I was forgetting and giving in…. Warm tendrils relaxed my pink asshole, making me realize how often I walked around clenching my butt like that was my defense against… something….

Lan’s voice was running through me, the cadence rising and falling like breath. I was hard again, but didn’t need to do anything about it, I just enjoyed the hardness under me, the basic pleasure of being a man.

I was going to learn that I had absolutely no understanding of the pleasures of being a man.

I drifted, warm, safe, empty, happy, hard, there were hot towels sluicing me off and Lan’s voice asking me questions to which I moaned answers. The questions and the answers melted away like snow in California. I knew my secrets were slipping out of me, I knew I was laying bare the real self that my macho swagger had hidden all my life.

There was a new smell – lavender – and Lan was stroking from my now-relaxed glutes up my back with some new oil. I could feel the callouses on his hands, so the gloves were off . All pleasures were equal now: his weight on my legs, his hands on me, the log of his cock pushing my ass cheeks apart as it sawed back and forth with his movements.

My legs and ass were a warm throb of intense relaxation. The oil on my back was warm and cool together. I felt like I was part of the mattress, part of Lan, like ‘Thor’ was expanding…maybe dissolving….

I didn’t even quite realize it when the beautiful heart-shaped flange of Lan’s cock head slipped past the throbbing lips of my ass so it was inside me. It was the best fullness there ever was. Gently pushing and sliding. My exhales now were just a long, slow groan of pleasure. I was clueless why I had shied away from this exquisite pleasure my whole fucking life.

But that thought didn’t, couldn’t last long. My attention came back inside of me as Lan had almost without me noticing worked his whole hard thick length deep. His short, muscular arms were wrapped around my thick body. One of his hands was rolling one of my big pink nipples between his rough fingers, making a kind of white lightning inside me running from my nipples to my cock, my balls, up into my hole and back to his fingers. Maybe he told me that’s what it was doing. I didn’t care. There was no difference between what he said and did and what I felt.

My whole body was lit up from within as he crushed me in his embrace and as my big butt muscles relaxed, he had more throbbing length of fat cock to work deeper into me. I moaned like a whore.

I was empty, and he was filling me and emptying me both. Making more space deep, deep inside me, burrowing pleasure into me in ways I’d never even imagined were possible. Making me aware that my idea of myself – the macho, big dick-swinging man I had been – was made up.

I realized all those boys I had used my cock to make happy, they weren’t serving me giving up their asses, taking my cum deep inside them, I was pleasing them, serving them, with my mouth, hands, tongue and cock. I realized I was a pleaser, a giver, a servant, even when I was pretending to be in charge. I felt how Lan was creating pleasure between us but without it being in service of me. His goal was not to make me cum, or make me happy. His goal was to empty me out with pleasure, to scour away the false remnants of who I was.

He was a god converting me to his true religion.

His cock was my whole world now, his hard grip the bounds of my reality. He had one paw on my throat, squeezing, narrowing my breath, making the blood thud in my head. My hands trembled and let go of the sheets, relaxing and relaxing.

I was thinking only of Lan. I felt like I could feel his body, feel his insides. I felt what it was like for him to have his cock inside me, how much pleasure he took from me letting go to him, how it engorged his dick. I could feel the rhythms he setup in my muscles with his stroking and clenching and thrusting, and how pleased he was with my submission.

I could feel how he was moving his cock slow in my ass so that he could feel my hole clutching and unclutching. Every time I let go more he groaned with me, and got harder, and more excited, stretching my hole more and more and more, compressing my prostate more and harder. My cock had at some point gone soft underneath me.

I was full. I had no wants… I had no volition. i could not have chosen to do anything even if I had wanted to. I was becoming a vessel for this man. I wanted nothing but what he wanted; I wanted nothing for myself, only pleasure for him to use me – fucking me if that was his pleasure. For the first time I understood my pleasure would be him fully enjoying me and emptying himself into me. I was a space carved for his pleasure – it was only this incredible opening and opening and giving up to him that brought him to the peak of ecstasy.

Everything about me was open and relaxed and there was only a baseline drone of intense pleasure. I was his pleasure, I was pleasure embodied without need. I could feel that my soft cock and big balls were wet and sticky as Lan’s strong butt muscles clenched to thrust his cock all the way inside me and then pull out, groaning, and push it back in.

I, who’d never pre-cum before, had not orgasmed , but my balls had drained fully out of my cock, soaking the bedspread and coating my package in my thick goop, unnoticed while it happened. It wasn’t a thin, slick liquid like I’d seen leak out of boys as I used my cock to pleasure their prostates, this was creamy, thick, cum – and a fucking bucket of it.

Lan’s big paws were on my fuzzy back, crushing me into he bed, and I loved it. Gravities of weight were welcome, and my big body felt released by them, freed by Lan’s intensity on me. There was a slap-slap-SLAP-thud-SLAP-slapslapSLAP of Lan taking his pleasure with his cock deep inside me, smacking his beefy thighs into my hamstrings, driving his cock deep into me. The impacts brought an intense pleasure, and I wondered idly if it would please him to spank my ass later, because I thought I would love it.

I was not my body. I was the cumsoaked bed and the sweat in the air. I was Lan’s groans, and his heavy rhythms pounding my hot ass lips. I was the cum boiling in his balls. I was my hole aching from his thrusting and needing his soothing seed. I was a lack of self needing definition from his weight and holding and how his cumming deeply inside me would free me to be no one, nothing, to be pleasure. I was the smell of mansex with nothing held back, I was Lan’s hot sweat falling onto my furry ass, and the scent of leather and sweat from him filling me.

Then he exploded into me, and I disappeared. I was nothing but pure floating happiness, given the space to be empty and nothing and everything.

I was full of his cum, and his cock, still hard, was deep inside me. He was heavy softness, lying on top of me. I was cooling sweat.

I was wholly owned by Lan now.

Now everything had changed.

I was the happiest man on earth.